yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
