There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
