We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
