went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Drunk is not a location!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
