you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
