Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
