He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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