Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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