the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
