In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
