in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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