When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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