it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
