I want to stick my p in your. b.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
