No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
