i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
