I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
FUCK WHALES
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
