I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
