Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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