Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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