Just fell off a train. Bad.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
