i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
