I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
