What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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