Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
