First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
