We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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