i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
