I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
