Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize