her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
