idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
