I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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