Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
