There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
