I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize