dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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