i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
