Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I will be naked everywhere
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
