Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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