so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
