her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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