so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
