i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
