Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
