stop calling my apartment porn island.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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