You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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