I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
