last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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