I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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