I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We just shotgunned beers for America
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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