I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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