and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Four minutes until I can fart!
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
