I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
