Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
How's work?
Spinning.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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