maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
i out mim tonsoeep
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
