yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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