you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
