he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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