I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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