More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
