We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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