If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
