i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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