I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Randomize
