Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
