what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Randomize
