she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
