she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize