So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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