if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
