Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
