my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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