No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
