The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize