Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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