Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
