All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
