I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
