he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
