I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Randomize
