We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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