If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
