no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
