If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
