you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
