Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
