Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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