Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i just had sex bonerless
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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