How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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