Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
