a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
