Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It's never too late to be topless.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
50% drunk capacity currently
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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