he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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