I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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