Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
