It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
