I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
