she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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