If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
