Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize