my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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