I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
