How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
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