Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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