just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
