she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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