You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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