About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
