Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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