If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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